Love is Blind!!!

        When I first saw him in college, his attitude invited my attention. He was not the most handsome guy around but there was certain element of appeal in him that made me give him a second look. I saw him from a safe distance, my memory fails me but I think he didn't even take notice of me, yet he somehow arouse my interest. He gave me the impression of being either a thick friend or a person whom I would love to hate. While my mind was struggling to make a settlement between these two extreme thoughts, my heart was trying to establish a connection of sorts with him. His thought vanished from my mind as soon as he vanished from my site, only to make a long lasting impact on my life. 

        It turned out that he was going to be my practical partner for the on-going academic year, which clearly implied his presence around me for hours. Although I had given too much importance to a stranger, I soon realized it was worth it. We managed to strike a chord from the minute we introduced ourselves. He was more interesting than I thought, for he was a perfect blend of smartness and intelligence. I think I was under his spell as he managed to extract the deep dark secrets out of an introvert like me with great ease. Within less than 2 months we turned out to be each other’s best friend.   

        As would be expected from any guy his age he started the usual trick of flirt-with-your-best friend. When with each other we acted crazy, we flirted, we teased each other with random people, we revealed our ex-crushes, we shared our future worries, we wiped each other's tears, we managed to bring a smile on one others face. We acted like best friends at times and at others acted like lovers that we never were. Love was not suppose to cross our mind as we made a promise to each other long back that come heaven or hell we will never fall in love with each other. 

     We were insane to think that manipulating a strong feeling like love was under our will, but nevertheless we chose to stick to pure friendship. While the thought of spending our entire lives with each other was tempting, it was in the good interest of both of us to rule out the option. His parents were conservative and I was too career oriented which reminded us time and again to keep our feelings under check.  

    While my head was acting strong, my heart was falling weak. He continued to mesmerize me and I like a fool was floating in the pool of emotions. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I decided I would tell him that I had already drifted away from the promise. On that fateful day, the sound of my pounding heart filled my ears. I thought love would find fertile ground, only to know later that I had deeply hurt him and betrayed his trust. He didn't say much and his silence hit as a bullet in my heart. Within minutes things changed, air of awkwardness and deadly silence surrounded us on our last evening as friends. I promised him, I will not force him in any kind of relation and we can still continue to be best friends but after breaking the promise once he had no reason to trust me further. He started avoiding me, ignored my messages, my innumerable calls went unanswered, nothing I did melted his heart. I knew I had hurt him beyond repair. I buried myself in the pillow and cried my lungs out. Only my bed sheet knows the amount of tears it has soaked and only my mirror can describe best my swollen face of sadness. 

     Picking up the shattered pieces of my heart I decided to move on, when he suddenly appeared from nowhere. I just managed to catch his glimpse and like our first day, he didn't take notice of me yet again. All the emotions and feeling that I tried hard to suppress now pushed themselves out and I was left standing in the dark past again. I decided to hide myself behind the pillar at Andheri station to see him getting down from his usual 9.16 local train every single day. When I couldn't hold back my feelings, I ran behind him on the streets to plead him to give me my best friend back, only to be hit by a speeding truck.  

    The next moment when I opened my eyes, darkness surrounded me. Having lost the apple of my eyes long back, that day I lost both my eyes and with that I lost my tears forever. Without cursing anyone I accepted my fate and realized that our paths were different and that we were never meant to be one. I no longer wish to meet him for I don't want to know that the eyes which were ones filled with happiness are now filled with sympathy for me. I still hide behind the pillar at 9.16 without skipping a single day, not that my eyes can see him anymore but my heart feels his presence for those few minutes. My saga reminds me of a line I once read "Not everyone in this world has the fate to cherish the fullest form of love some are born just to experience the abbreviation of it".