Many Mothers To Many Daughters!!!
To my little baby,
It is too early for me to pen
down a letter for a 2 year old child, but I am too overwhelmed to wait for your
wedding day to enclose the plethora of emotions in a letter. This is a letter I
want you to read not once but several times, not just on your wedding day but
every time when you need to find yourself, not just because it is my story but
because it is going to be yours someday, not because your mother wrote it to
you but because every daughter must know!!
Being a 21st century
independent woman, freedom was my life and marriage a phobia. For a girl in her
mid-twenties, having a decent job, a reasonably good education, supportive
parents, crazy friends, appreciation at workplace, not being answerable to
anyone for my actions meant a perfect life for me. No part of my life’s puzzle
was missing (not even your dad) or so I felt! But the society I belonged to made sure that
my life was not as easy going as I wanted it to be. The question of my marriage
continued to pop up every now and then, and I tried to avoid it with the best
possible excuses my brain could produce.
One day, your grand-dad (my dad)
took seriously ill; he sat me down for a thoughtful conversation. Somewhere
deep within I knew where the talk was headed, with my fingers crossed I heard
him patiently. That day a daughter’s excuse failed in front of a father’s
concern. Life started writing a new chapter for me and with absolutely no
interest I waited for things to unfold. It was not as if I didn’t believe in
the institution of marriage but freedom over-weighed my urge to settle down in
life.
After rejecting a couple of
inappropriate candidates and after being rejected by few unsuitable (or so I
would like to believe) guys, your dad and I chose each other to spend the rest
of our lives together. Your dad is an
amazing man, a responsible son, a caring brother, an affectionate son-in-law, a
jovial friend, an adorable husband and a doting father. He swept me off my feet
and made me fall in love with him in no time. All my apprehensions concerning
marriage started diluting and excitement started gushing in.
Just when the wedding
preparations started in full swing, reality hit me hard. It dawned on me that I was not just marrying
your father but I was marrying his entire family, I was not just stepping in a
new phase of my life but I was withdrawing from my old life, I was not just shifting
to a new house but I was leaving my own house forever, I was not just accepting
a new family but I was moving away from my own family. While I admit that I was
overjoyed I had met my Mr. Right and I was enjoying all the attention showered
on a bride to be, but somewhere deep in my heart I carried sadness and fear
with me wherever I went.
For first few days I felt lost in an unfamiliar territory. First taste of my
new life started the very next day when I was asked to get up at dawn for some
rituals. The moment I entered the kitchen, I was loaded with instructions on what
to cook, how to cook, when to cook. Like an obedient daughter-in-law I mentally
noted down everything and started helping the ladies with the meal. At the
dining table, after having my first morsel of food, I felt my stomach was set
on fire. Being brought up on bland food all my life, the highly seasoned food
brought tears in my eyes. I don’t know whether the tears were due to excessive
spices in the food or due to the fact that life was beginning to take a turn of
180 degrees for me.
As the days passed by, new
changes were awaiting me with open arms. Before my mind could even comprehend
the alteration, my heart started adjusting to the circumstances. I was never an
early riser but in this new household I was expected to be the first one to
wake up, my parents never questioned me on my dressing style but my in-laws
made sure I was dress as per the occasion, at my mom’s place I never really
cared to help her with household chores but here I was trying to balance my
career and home, my friends and family took a backseat whereas my husband and
his family became a priority for me, I was carefree before marriage but now I
started caring for every small need of my family, earlier my decisions were
self made but now all my decisions were taken with sufficient inputs from the
family. The biggest stroke came when I shed my father’s name and embraced my
husband’s name. This new name bought with it a new identity that I myself was
yet to identify with.
For a brief period of time I felt
burdened down by the responsibilities, I started longing for my freedom, I
experienced mood swings, and I was just not willing to accept this new life
since my previous life still looked far more beautiful. There were times when I missed sipping coffee with my dad, when I missed sleeping on my mom’s
lap, when I missed doing nothing and rotting my time, when I missed hanging out
with my friends till late night, when I missed being carefree, when I missed
being free of responsibilities, when I missed being MYSELF!
While I was being selfish and a victim of my
own pity what I didn’t realize was my new family was going through its own
share of emotions. Your dad knew my mental state and he became my pillar of
strength. A loving husband that he is, he made me feel special through his
sweet gestures, he listened to my cribbing endlessly for hours, he hugged me
when I missed my family, he took me on long drives when I needed fresh air, he
shouldered my responsibilities, he sacrificed his own outings with friends to
make time for me, he shared his room with me, he treated me like a queen, he
took all my tantrums with a smile on his face. His life was changing just like
mine but together we were helping each other to adapt to this new life.
My father-in-law is a perfect
father figure. He is a man of few words but he made sure he was there for me
whenever I missed my father. I used to talk to him often in person and consult
him on various matters. On his part he gave me the same love and respect that
he gave his own daughter.
Like any girl, before my marriage
I always dread my mother-in-law. Following the stereotype, I too had a
preconceived notion in my head that I will not get along well with her. Just
like I had tough time accepting these new people in my life, she too had taxing
times sharing her son with me. There were times when your grand-mother and I had difference of opinion, when we were not on the same page, when our views
conflicted but what is remarkable is in spite of the differences she never
disrespected me or showed her authority over me. She gave me the freedom to
express my views, she respected my opinions, and she let me make my choice.
Although she is my mother-in-law, in her heart she is a mother and she always
will be, not just a mother to your dad but also to me. Whenever I fell sick she
cared for me like my own mother, she tried to adjust her own routine as per my
schedule, and she tried to help me achieve equilibrium in my personal and
professional life. She is a mother-in-law today but at some point in life she,
too, was a daughter-in-law and she empathized with me more than anybody else.
It is true that I left my name,
my family, my home, my identity for new relations but the fact remains that three other people also changed themselves to accept me with all the love and
respect. What started off as compromise translated to love. Things that I did
out of force initially, I do it out of choice now.
When you came into our life, my
princess, my world was complete. Today, I am trying my best to do equal justice
to the various roles that I play; the role of a daughter, a wife, a
daughter-in-law and a mother. Over the years, I felt the society
was biased, that God was partial, that man had an upper hand over women. But
today I can happily claim that as women we are the ones who keep life going.
Life originates from us and our sacrifice keeps life going. It is the women
that binds two families, it is the women who is capable of bringing smile
on so many faces, it is the women who is willing to change herself to make
others happy, it is the women who holds the thread of all the relations. I feel
blessed to be a woman and I feel equally proud to have a daughter who like me
is going to be the center of her own little world.
I want you to keep this letter
with you forever so that whenever you feel lost amongst thousands of people in
your life, you find your purpose of being a woman, you find your inner
strength, you find your happiness on which is dependent the happiness of so
many other lives and more importantly that you find YOURSELF!
With loads of love,
Mom.
